Your Parents Might Be Hiding a Financial Mess: Here’s How to Find Out Without a Fight
According to a survey from Ramsey Solutions, conversations about money are some of the most uncomfortable for people, ranking behind religion, work, politics, and relationships. Things can get even more problematic when you’re having a difficult conversation about money with your parents. Elderly financial planning is a tricky topic that requires a great deal of tact and patience.
If your parents are getting older and you’ve been wondering how to talk to aging parents about money, there are some dos and don’ts that you’ll need to keep in mind. Keep reading to find out about how you can talk to your parents about elderly financial planning and other important topics.
Signs You Need to Have a Conversation
Many people wait until there’s a full-blown financial crisis to have a conversation with their parents about money. Unfortunately, it’s often too late to handle things in a way that protects your parents. With that in mind, it’s important to recognize some of the early signs that you need to have a talk with your parents about their finances.
While it’s not always easy to pick up on, if you see unusual behaviors like unopened bills, your parents may be struggling to stay on top of their finances. Late payments and other problems stemming from poor financial management are usually indicative of problems that should be addressed before they get worse.
Additionally, missing money or confusion about expenses indicate that something’s not quite right. As are memory lapses and problems with keeping up with financial tasks. In ideal situations, your parents would tell you when those things are becoming problematic, but embarrassment may make them want to keep things a secret. This is why it’s so important to pay close attention to what’s going on.
Finally, if your parents start talking about unusual investments, sweepstakes, and other “get-rich-quick” concepts, you may need to intervene. Many financial scams that are targeted towards older people use these tools.
How to Have the Conversation
Perhaps the most important financial caregiving tip is found in how you start the conversation. The goal is to make sure that your parents don’t feel ambushed. You don’t want to make them feel like you’re taking away their independence. Instead, it’s about creating an open lane of communication built on love, respect, and understanding.
Be choosy about the time and place that you choose for your talk. It’s better to have these conversations in a relaxed family atmosphere than to try to talk about something so serious in a tense, emotionally charged setting.
You’ll also need to consider who is going to be present for the conversation. Do you have siblings? If so, are your siblings involved in your parents’ lives?
Once you know where and when the talk is going to take place, be sure that you start with empathy, not a struggle for control. Remember, the point is not to strip your parents of their dignity and independence. Instead, this conversation is about how you can help them protect themselves from financial issues in their later years.
Finally, utilize open-ended questions. When you approach your parents with questions that they can only provide a yes or no answer to. The goal is to make them feel seen and heard, and it’s hard to do that when they can only give one-word answers. Ask them how you would make sure their bills were paid should they be in the hospital for an extended period. Find out if they’ve discussed long-term care planning, and if so, what their policy looks like. Ask if they would be willing to tell you where important documents are, should you need to access them in an emergency.
The answers to these questions can help you decide how to steer the conversation. You may be surprised to find that your elderly parents have a wonderful financial plan in place and don’t need much help from you at all. If so, that’s wonderful! It means that you can focus on being a loving son or daughter. However, if there are issues, the time to address them is before they need to be addressed.
Finally, ask your parents about their estate planning status. Contrary to long-held misconceptions, you don’t have to be wealthy to need an estate plan. In addition to a will, estate planning for seniors involves healthcare directives, life insurance policies, and more. By having these things in place before they’re needed, you can make sure that your parents are taken care of and that their wishes are being met.
Tough Conversations Are Necessary Conversations
We have access to more financial information than previous generations had, and with great knowledge comes great responsibility. Your elderly parents probably don’t know about some of the online scams that you’ve heard about it based solely on their exposure to this type of information.
When it comes to how to talk to aging parents about money, empathy is the most important part of the equation. The goal is not to make them feel like you’re smarter than them or superior to them in any way. Instead, this conversation is an opportunity to make sure that they know that they have the support that they need from a trusted, loving family member.