Patton Oswalt Honors Late Wife 10 Years After Her Passing

Ten years after losing Michelle McNamara, Patton Oswalt posted a simple tribute on April 21.

"Ten years gone. Miss you, baby."

That's it. Four words and a photo. And somehow that was enough to draw criticism from people online who apparently felt his grief needed an expiration date now that he's remarried.

His wife Meredith Salenger's response to the whole thing was so good it deserves its own headline.

What Actually Happened

Someone on Instagram tagged Salenger in a comment suggesting the post must be "a tough message for a current spouse to read." Salenger replied directly and without hesitation.

"Not tough at all. My heart breaks that the two people I love the most lost the person they loved the most. That they ever endured that sadness that will never go away. My heart aches for them both."

Oswalt shared the screenshot himself, adding that Salenger "elevates empathy and has guided me and Alice back into the world." He also noted that he found love twice and is thankful for it every day.

That's how two people who actually understand grief talk about it. The internet commenters with opinions about the appropriate grieving timeline of a widower they've never met are a different story entirely.

Who Michelle McNamara Was

McNamara was a true crime writer best known for her obsessive, years-long pursuit of the Golden State Killer — a case she documented in her book I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer, which was published posthumously and became a cultural phenomenon. She and Oswalt married in 2005 and had a daughter, Alice, now 17.

She died in her sleep on April 21, 2016 — ten years ago to the day of Oswalt's tribute. She was 46. The cause was a combination of an undiagnosed heart condition and prescription medications. Her death was sudden and completely unexpected.

This Isn't the First Time People Had Opinions

When Oswalt announced his engagement to Salenger in July 2017 — 15 months after McNamara's death — the internet had a lot to say about that too. A segment of people decided the timeline was too fast and made their feelings known publicly, as people on the internet do.

At the time blogger and widow Erica Roman wrote a widely shared essay defending the couple called "A Widow's Rage Defense of Patton Oswalt's Engagement" that addressed the criticism head-on.

"You aren't entitled to an opinion," Roman wrote. "You don't get to comment on the choices of a widower while you sit happily next to your own living spouse. You didn't have to stand and watch your mundane morning turn into your absolute worst nightmare."

Oswalt shared the piece and said he had anticipated the "bitter grub worms" who would weigh in anonymously with their opinions. Salenger commented at the time that Alice was happy and felt loved — which is really the only metric that matters in any of this.

"I have waited 47 years to find true love," Salenger wrote then. "Creating our family unit while honoring the brilliant gift Michelle has given me will be my life's goal and happiness."

They married on November 4, 2017. Nine years later they're still together and Salenger is still responding to strangers on the internet who think they have standing to weigh in on how a widower processes grief.

The Bigger Picture

There's something worth sitting with here. Patton Oswalt lost his wife suddenly and without warning. He raised their daughter through that loss. He went to therapy. He grieved openly and publicly in ways that helped a lot of other people feel less alone in their own grief. He eventually found love again with someone who not only accepts his relationship with McNamara's memory but actively honors it.

And somehow there are still people who think that's a problem.

Meredith Salenger's response — "my heart aches for them both" — is the kind of thing that reflects genuine emotional maturity and a real understanding of what love actually looks like in complicated, real human lives.

Michelle McNamara is gone ten years now. Her book changed true crime. Her husband still misses her. His current wife loves him enough to hold space for all of it.

That's not a complicated story. It's actually a pretty beautiful one.

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