Billie Eilish Opens Up About Her Tourette's on Camera
Billie Eilish has talked about her Tourette syndrome before but what she said on Amy Poehler's Good Hang podcast on May 5 was more specific — and more honest — than most people probably expected.
Every time she sits down for an interview she's spending the entire time actively working to hold back her tics. Not some of the time. The whole time.
"When I'm in an interview, I'm doing everything in my power to suppress all of my tics, constantly," she said. "And as soon as I leave the room, I have to let them all out."
That's the part most people watching those interviews have no idea is happening.
What Her Tourette's Actually Looks Like
Eilish has vocal tics, but described them as mostly small noises she can keep fairly quiet. Sometimes specific words become tics, and in interviews she has to actively work to stop herself from saying them out loud. She described the experience as "intrusive thoughts, but your mouth has to say them out loud."
She also constantly tics in her knees, elbows, and hands — but because those aren't the dramatic, visible tics most people associate with Tourette syndrome, they go unnoticed. That invisibility actually creates one of the most frustrating parts of having the disorder in public life.
People question whether she really has it at all when they don't see obvious tics. Or they assume that if she's having a lot of tics in a row, she must be distressed. Neither of those things is true.
"If I start having a tic attack or whatever, like a lot of tics in a row, people are like 'Are you okay?' You know, this is very much normal," she said.
The most "troubling" misconception she runs into is people assuming her tics are bothersome to her — that every tic is a moment of suffering or embarrassment. For Eilish that's not how it works. The tics are just part of how her body moves through the world.
The Energy It Actually Costs
What she described on the podcast was the physical and mental effort of suppression — something that goes on essentially all day for people with Tourette's who are in public-facing situations.
"I'm doing everything I can to suppress every single tic that's visible, from the top of my head to about right here," she said, gesturing to her rib cage. "And that's how we as people with Tourette's pretty much spend our days."
She was also careful to acknowledge that not everyone with the disorder has the ability to suppress at all. Some people can't hold tics back regardless of how hard they try. The fact that Eilish can suppress enough to get through an interview is itself a kind of privilege within the Tourette's community — and she's clearly aware of that.
Eilish has spoken about her Tourette syndrome publicly since she was a teenager and has said the disorder is part of who she is — something she's largely made peace with. The frustration she described on the podcast isn't about having it. It's about the gap between what people think it looks like and what it actually is.
Her new concert film, Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft — The Tour (Live in 3D), hit theaters on May 8.
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